


When You're Shy; When You Wanna Die

by Sendryl



Series: The Darker The Weather // The Better The Man [9]
Category: Altered Carbon (TV), Naruto
Genre: AI!Obito, Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Artificial Intelligence!Obito, Blood and Gore, Envoy!Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi is so Done, He's an AI with a SHOTGUN, He's real done ya'll, It's a gatling gun vs a human kind of fight, KakaObi Week 2020, KakaObi Week 2020 Day 11: Cyberpunk, Last Night on Earth, Like a lot of Blood and Gore, M/M, Sci-Fi AU, Shotgun, Suicidal Thoughts, Until it isn't, detective!rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22857073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sendryl/pseuds/Sendryl
Summary: Kakashi gets resleeved into a body that's important to Detective Rin, then called to solve an immortal man's halfway murder.He doesn't want to do that.All he wants at first is to have one last hurrah and then refuse the case and restack in the morning and sleep for eternity.His priorities change when he enters Hotel Kamui and meets an intriguingly real AI.His priorities change again when the hotel comes under attack.Thankfully for Kakashi, his new AI protects his customers.Maybe he'll stick around after all.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Series: The Darker The Weather // The Better The Man [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630276
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59
Collections: KakaObi Week 2020





	When You're Shy; When You Wanna Die

**Author's Note:**

> KakaObi Week 2020 Day 11: Cyberpunk
> 
> Explicit for Graphic Violence
> 
> Any of you seen Altered Carbon? Because I LOVE it. (Guess who’s excited for season two dropping in a few days? IT’S ME!!!)
> 
> This is a rewrite (reskin? resleeve haha) of the first scene at The Raven with Kovacs and Edgar Poe, who are my absolute favorite characters.
> 
> The dialogue and actions are almost entirely from Altered Carbon, I just resleeved it with KakaObi and changed their intentions toward each other. For funsies and sexual tension.
> 
> If you know nothing about Altered Carbon, this will spoil the show and it’s an awesome show, but feel free to read on! Basically Kakashi is a pretty special guy who got kinda resurrected in the distant future to solve an immortal man’s kinda murder.
> 
> Glossary of terms in the end notes!
> 
> Please let me know if you'd like more detailed tags about the violence.
> 
> Enjoy!

Hatake Kakashi stumbles down the street, his bright pink unicorn backpack still slung over his shoulder. He’s not sure exactly how many drugs are in the backpack, but he can’t believe Detective Rin hadn’t confiscated it after seeing how high he was.

He’s not thinking about his conversation with Rin.

He knows what she’s seeing. He might not know who his sleeve was before all this, but that’s who Rin’s attracted to, not him. She watches him hungrily, longingly, lovingly, but only when he’s still and silent. Only when she can pretend he’s still the man she loved.

Every time he moves or opens his mouth though? Rage and disgust and grief so deep it confirms his darkest suspicions. His sleeve’s previous occupant is gone for good.

He’s seen it before, lived it before, the confusion and messy emotions that come with someone new resleeved into a friend’s form, and he has no intention of staying in Rin’s lover’s sleeve any longer than he has to. He has no intention of being Rin’s second-hand lover.

He’s going to go find his own far less complicated fun, thank you very much. One night of revelry, and then he’s bowing out, restacking forever, going back into storage and eternal sleep.

Maybe this time they’ll actually blow his stack and release him.

Maa, probably not. He doubts they’ll have that much mercy.

He can see the warm glow of the hotel that called out to him before, men and women on offer, flickering in and out of sight in a holographic tease, and he directs his stumbling steps in its direction.

He’s not thinking about Rin’s case.  _ Madara’s _ case.

He’s not.

...But since he’s only going to be awake for one more night, there’s no harm in being a little curious.

He forces himself to focus through the final fading haze of drugs and alcohol, always burning out too quickly for the newly resleeved to enjoy their highs, and goes over the facts.

He doesn’t know how his sleeve died, but he’d bet his stack it has something to do with Madara. 

The man  _ clearly _ has it out for Rin, so of course he’d pull enough strings to find her old lover and put Kakashi in his sleeve. Hell, Madara might’ve even been the one to have him killed in the first place. He’s being used left and right, to solve Madara’s case and slap Rin across the face in one move.

And he’s so tired of being used.

Thinking about it was a bad choice, Kakashi decides.

_ Hotel Kamui _ looms above him, the sign popping and fizzing like an ancient gas lamp in a museum, an eerie black hole spinning in place above the door as the fancy hotel’s symbol.

Kakashi feels his mind clear, all too quickly, and pushes open the door, intent on discovering the pleasures offered within.

  
  
  


There’s a man at the front desk in the sprawling lobby, dressed in an elegant purple kimono, his hair just the right side of too long, choppy spikes of ebony flowing down around his shoulders. The decorations echo his attire, polished wood flooring and graceful arched ceilings, accented with gorgeous bonsai trees and deep purple spirals and spinning whorls of warm light floating above empty tables. There’s soft koto music floating through the air, and the hotel is entirely deserted, save for the two of them.

“Felicitations,” the hotelier rumbles, and Kakashi can already tell the voice is part of his act. It doesn’t quite fit the man’s face, nor does the solemn expression that rests there. He leans an elbow on the desk and smiles at Kakashi’s attention, and that doesn’t look very natural either. “You have arrived at Hotel Kamui, Konoha’s most deliciously decadent lodging experience.” The man is holding a match, for some reason, lighting an out of place candle on the desk as Kakashi walks toward him.

He flicks his gaze up and over Kakashi’s form and glances up at him through his lashes as he continues, “Fully cabled, and enabled.”

Kakashi returns the look, his eyes lingering over strong forearms bared by wide kimono sleeves and kind eyes above a falsely seductive smile.

Kakashi had come here looking for a quick release, one last brief moment of satisfaction, but he’s starting to get a different idea now.

The man blows out the match and tosses it aside, leaning closer.

“How can I ease your journey through this world?” He says, looking at Kakashi like they share all the same secrets, all the same burdens and worries.

It brings Kakashi back to himself a bit, the remembrance that this world isn’t his, that he’ll be gone for good tomorrow, and he pulls away, mumbling, “Maa, a room. The best everything. Food, view, entertainment,  _ private _ kind of entertainment.” He makes sure to emphasize that last part.

This is the only vacation he’s ever going to get, after all. If he can’t get everything he wants, what’s the point?

“A much-needed respite from the trials of bleak existence,” the man intones.

Kakashi raises an eyebrow, and the man blinks at his lack of response. When he speaks again, it’s a salesman’s voice, still gravely and low, but far easier for Kakashi to deal with than the near poetry he’s been spouting so far.

“Hotel Kamui offers VIP access to the Houses of selective sexual tastes. Hmm?” The man hums with a raised eyebrow of his own.

Now he’s talking.

“The Temple of Shukaku affords an oasis of indulgence in Suna,” he says, extending a hand, and a miniature image of a very handsome young man with black-ringed eyes appears above his palm in a blurred blue light, sand and gauzy fabric whirling across his body as he dances atop a desert bluff.

The hotelier gasps quietly, getting back into his act, and the hologram flows to his other hand, revealing two figures against a rainy cityscape, a sharp-toothed man and a woman with a flower in her hair slowly stripping out of heavy robes. “Rock stars, in Ame,” he says, his voice dipping low in his throat as the robes fade away to reveal strong bodies underneath, wrapped in chains and leather.

Kakashi shivers slightly at the man’s low rumble, turning his head just a bit to chase the feeling, and he knows the hotelier’s got the wrong idea when his eyes light up. The hotelier thinks Kakashi’s interested in the fantasties he’s offering, not the reality of his voice. His excitement makes a pretty sight though, glittering dark eyes in a pale face framed by equally dark hair, so Kakashi doesn’t bother to correct him.

Still, the sales pitch isn’t over quite yet.

“And let us not forget our own… satellite of sin,” the man says softly with a wicked grin, pointing above them with both hands, as a rotating dance floor appears in midair. There are at least half a dozen people, lithe men and women alike, perfect bodies dancing and twisting around poles and other dancers as the satellite turns. “Konoha in the Clouds.”

The holograms disappear abruptly and the man steps back, leaving Kakashi dazed and more than a little turned on. He hadn’t even realized how far he was leaning over the desk until the other man pulled away.

“No fantasy beyond reach for the client of discerning means,” the hotelier says with a shark’s crooked grin, picking up and draining a cup of sake that Kakashi only just noticed.

Kakashi has to snort, his arousal not fading in the slightest. “Well, I’m not that discerning,” he mutters with a secretive grin, and the man’s quiet laughter draws out his own.

He shifts on his feet, excited and eager to see what the man will suggest next. It’s giving him plenty of ideas of what exactly he could ask for.

“From the sky above, there is always the mud below,” the man says with that same grin, and Kakashi has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Whatever else he ends up requesting, he’s definitely going to ask him to drop the flowery language, that’s for sure.

“I could guide you,” the hotelier offers, suddenly dropping the laughter and once more deadly serious.

“Guide me?” Kakashi asks, because he’d thought they were on the right track, but he’s not looking for guidance. He’s looking for participation.

“For some elemental and fast satisfaction in the Lotus District,” the man continues, no longer meeting Kakashi’s eyes, frowning down at the desk and that isn’t what Kakashi’s after at all.

Time to see just how far he can push this encounter.

“What about the Temple of Kamui?” Kakashi asks.

The hotelier blinks in confusion.

“What would the Temple of Kamui offer, I wonder,” Kakashi says lazily, reaching out to brush his hand just over the ridge of the man’s cheek, sending motes of brilliant light scattering into the air between them, miniscule nanomachines spinning off course at the touch of Kakashi’s fingertips.

The man blinks again, then stammers, “Th-the Temple of Kamui?” His voice is much higher-pitched now that he’s dropped his act. There’s a new color rising in his face, a faint dusting of pink just at the top of his cheekbones.

Kakashi likes it.

If he’s only going to give himself one last night on earth, he might as well let himself experience something real. As real as he can get with a one-night stand in a virtual reality with an Artificial Intelligence, that is.

More real than a hooker though, judging by the way the man is still blushing and stammering, watching his own hands as he twists them together in embarrassment, his sultry act vanished completely.

“I- Well I suppose- I mean no one’s ever- Hotel Kamui can supply your chambers with companions and accessories for any decadence, so I-” he stops and takes a breath, drawing himself up to look Kakashi in the eye again.

“The Temple of Kamui,” he says, hesitantly, and it’s not the showman’s voice, but there’s a new depth to his tone that makes Kakashi shiver again. This time, the hotelier catches on, and he blushes even brighter as he starts again. “The Temple of Kamui would offer… Me.”

He’s biting his lip, flickering lights from drifting nanomachines spilling out around his teeth, and Kakashi is certain he’s made the right choice.

“Perchance you could tell me something of your preferences?” The man asks, nerves evident in the words and his expression, but he’s leaning forward again. Kakashi takes it as a good sign.

“Right now?” He asks in return, and the man hums in confirmation, still nervous but growing bolder, leaning closer, curiosity slowly replacing his embarrassment.

“I’d prefer your name,” Kakashi says, his own voice dropping purposefully, and the man’s eyes dart down to his mouth for a moment.

The man wets his lips, an entirely unnecessary but strangely endearing action for an AI. “You can call me Tobi,” he offers, and Kakashi’s pretty sure that’s not a real name, by the phrasing, but it’s clearly one the man is comfortable with.

“Tobi,” he rumbles, pitching his voice even lower just to watch Tobi’s eyes widen. His form loses a little definition around the edges, and that’s an even better sign. “I’ll take it.”

Tobi settles back onto his feet, a grin stretching across his face, clearly eager to begin their night.

“And how might you intend to pay for your stay?” He asks, and despite the nature of the words, Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s purchasing a night with Tobi. Both of their excitement feels too real for that.

It’s almost enough to make him want to stay for longer, just to see what might happen.

But before he can answer, or even raise his hand to offer his thumb for a DNA trace, a cold metal circle is pressed into his neck, directly over his stack.

“He won’t be needing a room,” a man interjects in a heavy Kirian accent.

Kakashi can see another man approaching at his side, gun drawn, and he curses his one-track mind. Now that he’s paying attention, he can hear seven hostiles in the room, their clothes rustling and the leather of their gloves creaking around their raised guns.

“So much for Anbu Intuition,” the Kiri man jokes. “‘Chakra’ bullshit.”

“Pardon me, wayfarer, we’re in the midst of conversation,” Tobi interjects, his blush and grin gone as if they’d never been.

Kakashi mourns the loss just as much as he mourns the way his night is swiftly turning from sexy vacation to murder spree.

The Kiri man doesn’t move. “Shut up, you piece of digibrain shit. My microwave is smarter than you.”

Rude.

“I just want one thing to go right today,” Kakashi says to Tobi in exasperation and a faint plea, ignoring the other people in the room.

“Clearly,” Tobi replies with a small nod and a serious look.

“Too bad,” the Kiri man interjects.

Again. Rude.

“Turn around,” he says in Kirian, and Kakashi turns slowly, putting both hands behind his back and placing himself in front of Tobi, even though the AI has no need of protection. He can’t help his instincts. His unicorn backpack slides to the floor.

“They said you’d be dangerous,” the man says in Konohan again as he pushes into Kakashi’s space, and then he laughs. “I thought you’d be bigger.”

It’s fairly ironic, because the man is a lot shorter than Kakashi had been expecting. He starts to question how he even managed to put his gun right against Kakashi’s neck, considering their height difference, but forces himself to focus on the other people in the room instead.

His night is clearly ruined, but maybe he can prevent any damage to Tobi’s hotel. It’s the least he can do, he decides.

Kakashi can see seven guns trained on him, and there’s a brief moment where he wishes they’d drag him outside and just get it over with already, but instead of putting him out of his misery - or better yet, leaving him in peace - the first man starts monologuing.

_ Rude. _

“They made me bring all this backup,” he says, stepping back and gesturing at the men and women around him. “What a waste of my time. I don’t need them.”

“Fuck you, Gato,” one of the men says under his breath.

He should’ve stayed silent.

Gato turns in one swift movement and shoots him in the head. It’s only a sleeve death, but still. Now there’s blood and brain matter all over Tobi’s nice foyer floor.

Kakashi comes to the conclusion that no one has ever told Gato off for being rude.

“Anyone else?” Gato demands as he turns to face the room, and Kakashi prays that none of his other minions are as stupid as the dead one.

Tobi sighs from his place behind the counter. “I have to clean that up,” he mutters, sharing a sour look with Kakashi when he glances over his shoulder. Kakashi smirks.

“What?” Gato asks, stalking back toward the AI.

“Maa, he had it coming,” Kakashi says, shifting in front of Tobi again and drawing Gato’s attention with a head tilt toward the body. “He was  _ rude.” _ Kakashi nods, commiserating with the stupid idiot in front of him.

Gato proves his idiocy by stepping even closer, close enough that Kakashi could break his neck in a second. Only the guns are stopping him. For the moment.

Kakashi isn’t fond of stupid idiots, and rude stupid idiots who murder their minions are even farther down his list of things he’s fond of. Rude stupid idiots who murder their minions and dirty the floors of AIs Kakashi wants to fuck? That designation is currently at the bottom of Kakashi’s list.

Gato is close enough now that he can whisper in Kakashi’s ear, even though he has to raise up on his tiptoes to do it. It’s gross and Kakashi hates it.

“I could take you myself without even breaking a sweat.” Gato breathes, taking pleasure in his perceived power.

What an idiot.

“Move,” Gato says, shoving Kakashi in the back.

Finally.

They start making their way across the lobby, and Kakashi is looking forward to either taking care of these idiots outside or being taken care of them and getting to rest, he isn’t honestly very picky at this point. At a glance he takes in weaknesses and points of exploitation - a previously broken wrist here, a replaced knee there - already planning the best way to take out the six remaining hostiles.

But then he hears a faint humming of tiny machines in the air behind him, his Anbu Intuition that Gato made fun of prickling the back of his neck and telling him that Tobi is reaching out toward him.

“Good sir,” the AI calls, “I cannot assume host prerogatives without payment.”

There’s something in his voice that calls to Kakashi. Something vicious and wicked and oh so familiar. He remembers when AI hotels were first starting out, hundreds of years ago now, apparently. He glances over his shoulder to see Tobi smile, the cat that caught the canary, and as Gato utters an absolutely  _ scathing _ line about getting Kakashi a hot towel, Tobi’s words settle and echo in Kakashi’s mind. He can still remember exactly what ‘host prerogatives’ might be on offer.

“You’re some kind of moron staying in an AI hotel,” Gato scoffs as Kakashi slows his steps. “Possessive like a crazy girlfriend. No one stays in them anymore.”

“Really?” Kakashi mumbles as he glances around the opulent foyer. “I hadn’t heard that.”

Gato slams his gun into the back of Kakashi’s head, and the hit drops him to his knees.

“For guest amenities,” Tobi solemnly calls to Kakashi, raising his eyebrows entreatingly, “Please, touch the screen.” He gestures down at the screen below his hands, a wide spiral whirling endlessly behind the glass, the words  _ Awaiting Payment _ clearly visible.

Gato stalks around him and whips the butt of his gun into Kakashi’s face, laying him out on the floor.

“Just one thing,” Kakashi grumbles quietly.

He glances up at Tobi, upside-down now, and hears Rin’s voice in his mind as she tried to warn him off the AI hotel, back at the bar.

_ “They’re hardwired to want guests,” _ she’d said.

Tobi smirks at him, his worry hidden in light of their company. He slowly glances down at the screen in front of him again, and Kakashi can see the trembling in his hands on the desk, the way his form is wavering at the edges with apprehension and eagerness alike.

Kakashi’s eyes dart up to the foyer ceiling, to the panels hidden from everyone’s eyes but his own, and Tobi’s smirk grows, an unholy glee lighting his eyes.

Gato’s words about possessive girlfriends float through Kakashi’s dazed mind, and maybe he hadn’t taken Rin’s warning seriously before, thinking he’d only be around for a single night. But now that he’s looking at Tobi’s worry and his clear desire to help, Kakashi finds himself thinking of staying longer.

He’s thinking that Rin and Gato have it backwards. After all, what does he have to fear from a lonely AI? He knows loneliness. He knows how desperate it can make you. His addled mind is calling up images and voices of all the people he’s lost, all the Anbu he served with, all his friends and lovers.

After losing everyone, why would he be afraid of tying himself to someone who he can’t lose at all?

Kakashi makes a decision then, and it’s probably stupid, and more than a little unhinged, but he’d only been intending to be awake and aware for a day. He can always blow his stack out or resign from the case after all if he changes his mind or if things go south with Tobi. That’s an escape route no one can take from him. So.

He decides to stay.

“Touch the screen within fifty seconds,” Tobi says, the lobby music picking up in a rush of hurried notes.

“You, shut up. You, get up.” Gato points to Tobi and Kakashi in turn, and now that Kakashi’s decided to throw in his lot with Tobi, Gato’s rude behavior is starting to piss him off.

The hard kick Gato slams into his gut only pisses him off more.

Kakashi slowly turns over and starts crawling back to Tobi, his sleeve healing itself as he goes. There are definitely benefits to being freshly-resleeved.

“It’s not ‘chakra,’” Kakashi says as he starts crawling, “which, by the way, absolutely is bullshit.” The disdain is clear in his voice.

“Here he comes,” Tobi hisses eagerly, his voice almost too soft for Kakashi to catch.

Kakashi grins at him from the floor, making it up to his hands and knees. “It’s a form of subliminal pattern recognition.”

Gato grips his shoulder and hauls him to his feet. “What the fuck does that mean?” He asks with a cruel smile, like they’re just having a chat and he isn’t about to slam his gun into Kakashi’s head again.

“You know. It’s,” Kakashi waffles for a second. “It’s about the details.”

Gato doesn’t hit him with the gun again. Instead he whips around backward and jumps, slamming his elbow into Kakashi’s face in a stupidly showy move.

Kakashi lets himself fall back onto a coffee table with a grunt, thankfully one free of knickknacks.

“Where’s the big bad Anbu killer from the past?” Gato taunts, clearly getting frustrated with Kakashi’s refusal to strike back.

“Twenty seconds,” Tobi mentions offhandedly, refilling and sipping his sake nonchalantly.

If Kakashi couldn’t see the minute tremors in the liquid flowing down into the cup, betraying Tobi’s trembling hands, he’d be offended at the AI’s careless attitude. He wants Kakashi to come to him just as much as Kakashi wants to get there.

“Fight, Gods damn it!” Gato yells at him, but Kakashi merely rolls off the table and continues walking toward Tobi. “What, you lost your balls?” Gato laughs, “Did something change while you were down?”

“Nothing changed,” Kakashi answers him, standing just in front of the desk again.

“Ten,” Tobi whispers, still counting down.

Gato punches Kakashi in the gut and then nails him with a kick. Kakashi lets it send him stumbling into the desk, landing hard on his elbows right in front of Tobi.

They share a victorious grin, and then Kakashi shifts back to face Gato and lean against the desk nonchalantly, Tobi smirking behind him.

Kakashi sighs, and shakes his head. “People like you are still stupid.”

That said, he wipes blood from his nose and slaps his hand onto the screen, activating the DNA trace and paying for his night.

Tobi couldn’t act until Kakashi paid him. But now…

The AI’s grin turns evil. “I can now provide full guest amenities,” he says, wide eyes turning bright red and filling with wickedly childish amusement.

Kakashi sighs again, relaxing as Tobi activities his safety protocols, dropping two gatling guns out of the hidden panels Kakashi had spotted in the arched ceiling.

The guns immediately train on their unwanted visitors, and Gato’s minions react with confusion and panic as they point their overwhelmingly outclassed energy pistols at the gatling guns warming up with twin hums. Kakashi stalks toward Gato, unnoticed, but Tobi cocking the plasma shotgun he pulled from beneath the desk draws Gato’s attention. Just in time for Kakashi to punch him square in the face.

A wide laser trains on a minion’s chest for only an instant, and then bullets tear him to pieces. The minions start shooting back, hitting Tobi’s ceiling, and he fires his shotgun at them in retaliatory disgust.

Gato’s gun flies out of his grip and he tries to punch Kakashi back, but Kakashi easily redirects his wide swing and nails him in the face again.

The gatling guns are deafening, and Kakashi’s going to be very surprised if no one calls the cops, but he’s pretty sure self-defence is still a thing in the future. They can frame this as self-defense, he thinks, seeing another minion get turned into swiss cheese by one of Tobi’s gatling guns. Very effective self-defense, he amends his thought, as the perforated body crashes into a table and chairs, crushing the table beneath its weight.

One of the gatling guns finally gets taken out, and Kakashi decides to end his fight with Gato, spinning in a much more polished move than Gato had previously attempted and kicking him hard in the gut. Gato goes flying back, and Kakashi takes a moment to breathe. Nearly all the minions are down as well, and when Kakashi hears Tobi cock his shotgun again, he whirls in a slight panic.

But Tobi’s merely smiling at a pillar at the back of the room. “I see you,” he singsongs with a malicious smile, aiming his shotgun and gatling gun alike. The gatling gun peppers the pillar with bullets, and Kakashi can hear a woman shrieking in terror. Tobi’s got this.

Kakashi turns back to Gato just in time to duck under a haymaker. He pops up and slams his elbow down on Gato’s outstretched arm, breaking it, chopping him in the throat immediately after. Gato trips backward, clawing at his throat and choking, and Kakashi presses in, wailing on Gato in a swift series of strikes, driving him back toward the front door. Gato catches his breath and lunges forward but Kakashi just grabs him by his collar and whips him in a dizzying circle, pulling back to elbow him across the face and send him staggering into a chair.

The gatling gun lets up for a moment and the woman takes her chance, dashing out of her cover with a scream of utter fury, taking aim and firing her pistol at Tobi. He rolls his eyes at her as his nanomachines move out of the way. Once her bullet passes harmlessly through him, he calmly shoots her in the head.

Her body flies backward to land at the foot of a blood-spattered armchair, and Tobi huffs to himself and takes a drink of his sake.

Kakashi stalks toward Gato, still slumped over the chair he staggered to. He grabs Gato’s broken arm and twists. Gato shrieks, and over the sound of his ragged sobs Kakashi asks, “Who sent you?”

Gato just sobs harder.

Tobi’s gatling gun is behind Kakashi, trained on Gato through his back, and Kakashi knows Tobi won’t fire while he’s in the way. He wants answers, now that he’s decided to stay a while, so he carefully stays between Gato and the gun, locking an arm around Gato’s throat and hauling him to his feet.

“Who sent you?” He asks again, calm as anything.

“I was wrong about you, Anbu,” Gato chokes out, then pulls his arm up and elbows Kakashi hard in the stomach.

Kakashi lets him go with a pained grunt, and Gato runs forward, into Tobi’s sight and into the path of the gun.

Tobi cocks his shotgun with a snarl.

“Wait,” Kakashi says, outstretching his hand to Tobi, but Gato laughs at them both.

“Won’t happen again,” he says, stretching his arms out to his sides to provide an even clearer target.

“No!” Kakashi yells, but it’s too late.

Tobi fires, the gatling gun fires, and Gato goes down in a hail of bullets.

Kakashi stands there, bullets flying all around him, and  _ sighs. _

“Ask this of your microwave, miscreant,” Tobi snarls, still aiming his shotgun at Gato with a sneer.

Kakashi sighs a second time and turns to look at Tobi.

Tobi lowers his shotgun and beams, incredibly pleased with himself. Kakashi doesn’t say anything, just looks at him, and Tobi offers him a victorious grin.

Kakashi just keeps staring, and Tobi’s smile fades after a moment. He darts his eyes from Kakashi to Gato’s corpse and back, only now realizing that maybe Kakashi still needed something from the exceedingly dead man.

Tobi clears his throat sheepishly. “Apologies,” he offers, as the hotel creaks and groans around them, debris from the firefight still settling.

A glass spiral slowly slides down a tilted table and shatters on the floor.

Kakashi sighs again, turning back to survey the destroyed foyer.

“Your room beckons,” Tobi says with another small smile, trying to take Kakashi’s mind off the destruction around them. “If you’d like to freshen up before the authorities arrive,” he adds with a raised finger and a wince.

Kakashi is sighing a lot today.

  
  
  


When Rin finally walks in the hotel’s front door, Kakashi’s had at least five shots of Tobi’s truly excellent sake, offered with a silly grin and a sardonic quip about steadying Kakashi’s nerves. Kakashi had snorted at the idea that his nerves would ever need steadying, but he’d taken the drinks all the same.

Rin’s people have been hard at work going over the corpses on the other side of the foyer. Thankfully for Kakashi’s liver, the firefight hadn’t reached the bar.

“What happened to a meal, getting laid, and restacking forever?” Rin asks him as she stalks across the room.

“I got interrupted,” Kakashi mutters, downing his sixth - seventh? No, sixth, definitely sixth - cup of sake. It goes down warm and smooth and Tobi refills his cup as soon as he sets it down. Truly a miracle worker.

“Who the fuck are these guys?” Rin asks, gesturing at the bodies strewn throughout the lobby.

“I don’t know,” Kakashi says, resigning himself to an interrogation and hoping his backpack full of drugs will make it through unmolested. “But they knew me.”

“They called you by name? You’re sure?” Rin asks, and Kakashi shrugs. They’d known he was an Anbu, at least, and since there’s only one of him around, it’s basically his name.

“Rin,” her partner, an older man with spiky blonde hair, interrupts, and she turns to where he’s poking at one of the bodies. “Four of them are just local muscle, but this sleeve is registered to Gato of Wave.” He stands and meets Rin halfway. “Kiri Hunter Registry,” he says, not making a lick of sense to Kakashi.

Rin pounds him on the shoulder in excitement. “We got him, Minato.”

“Yeah,” her partner agrees with a smile.

“Got who?” Kakashi asks, curious to know who exactly tried to murder him. Or kidnap him, he’s not sure what they actually wanted, come to think of it. But it was something not nice, he’s sure, so he should probably figure out whether or not they’ll be coming back.

“Gato of Wave, hit man out of Kiri,” Minato says, picking his way out of the mess of bodies and bullet fragments. “Otherwise known as Gato the Twin. Does a lot of work for the yakuza,” he offers as he approaches the bar.

“Gato doesn’t trust anyone,” Rin says under her breath as she draws a long knife and cuts through Gato’s jacket and into his neck. “So he makes an illegal copy of himself and downloads it into a black market sleeve. It’s called double sleeving,” she grunts as she uses her knife to pry inside Gato’s spinal cord, hunting for his stack. “The penalty is real death.”

She sighs in satisfaction as she tugs the stack free with a sickening squelch.

Minato picks up where she left off, explaining to an interested but unenthused Kakashi as Tobi pours him another drink. “We hold onto his stack, sooner or later, we catch the other version of him out there and then, he’s done.”

Rin sighs as she looks at Gato’s copied stack, then curses in Kirian.

“What’s going on?” Minato asks, turning back to her. “What?” He asks again, after she curses instead of responding.

“It’s fragged,” she groans, handing him the stack when he asks for it.

He passes it under a glowing tablet and confirms her suspicions.

“I’m getting a positive ID but…” He huffs, and he continues muttering as Rin paces up to the bar. “Not enough left to spin him up to interrogate. Fuck.”

“You couldn’t just disable them?” Rin asks Tobi, more than a little upset.

He favors her with a look Kakashi might’ve directed to an exceptionally stupid trainee, that special condescening smile that takes years to perfect.

“I was coming to the defense of my first guest,” Tobi drops his smile, and his eyes widen in as close to a threat as he can get, “In five decades.”

“With enough firepower to take down a small airplane,” Rin points out, as if Tobi’s overkill wasn’t entirely justified. Which it was, in Kakashi’s completely unbiased opinion. Gato and his minions had been rude, after all.

“I’m fully licensed for customer protection,” Tobi says with a smirk, leaning against the bar and back into Kakashi’s space. He shifts closer in response, watching the AI’s kimono gape enticingly. “And in any case,” Tobi stands and turns his back to Rin, and Kakashi has to fight a frown as the sliver of chest disappears again. “His attackers were remarkably rude.” Tobi shoots Kakashi a commiserating grin, and his disappointment disappears.

“You’ve shot people for less, so…” Minato trails off into Rin’s ear, and Kakashi’s pretty sure they weren’t supposed to hear that.

Rin sputters for a second before hissing, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh, okay,” Minato raises his hands in a clear apology.

Time for Kakashi to get this show back on the road. Again.

“So Gato’s a high-end hit man?” He drawls, slumping back onto the bar and considering whether to just ask Tobi for a bottle.

“Yeah. Top of the line,” Rin replies with a glare.

“Well then, Madara’s death wasn’t a suicide.” Kakashi’s conclusion brings none of them any comfort.

“Of course,” Minato admits. And just when Kakashi is thinking he might have come across a detective with some brains, for once, Minato continues sarcastically, “Because who would want to kill an asshole like you?”

Just another idiot cop then.

“Plenty of people,” Kakashi agrees, and Tobi’s head snaps up in alarm. Kakashi waves a lazy hand at him and clarifies, “A few centuries ago. See, I don’t merit this kind of hit unless you wanna stop me from looking into Madara’s death.”

It’s starting to become a bit personal now, Kakashi can tell. He can feel his anger rising, that cool, detached sense of fury that he’s always done his best to tuck out of sight.

“So instead of blaming me, how about you apply your impressive policing skills,” he bites out.

Rin and Minato roll their eyes at him in sync, and Kakashi’s anger only boils hotter at the clear dismissal.

Well.

He’s already decided to stick around for a while. Might as well actually do the work he was spun up to do. He can seduce Tobi on his off days. Starting now, he decides, scooping up his bright pink backpack and rising from his seat.

His side twinges, a rib slowly popping back into place as he stands.

Starting tomorrow.

He smiles at Tobi in a clear farewell and receives a wink in return as he walks past Rin and Minato.

“Less than eight hours out of the tank and you’re up to your eyes in organic damage and real death.” Rin’s voice would be admiring, if not for the sarcastic undertones. “I could find a way to arrest you for this.” She claims, and Kakashi looks over his shoulder just to see Tobi’s skeptical expression. He isn’t disappointed.

“Yeah?” He asks Rin, still amused by Tobi’s scrunched up face. “You make up your mind, I’ll be upstairs.”

“No, you’re not-” Rin starts to stomp after him, but Minato firmly grasps her arm.

“Rin, leave it.” He says, making direct eye contact. “Leave it,” he repeats, half an eye on Tobi, who is tense and watchful at the bar.

Kakashi makes his way slowly across the room, careful of his injuries, and only turns to face them once he’s in the elevator. The elevator doors slide shut, and he’s alone once more.

  
  
  


Tobi appears again in Kakashi’s room a little under an hour later, just as Kakashi’s stepping out of the shower with his cut and bruised body on full display.

Tobi hisses at the colors painted across Kakashi’s skin, then vanishes and reappears beside the medicine cabinet. “Those look dreadful, good sir,” he says, back in his role as hotelier.

Kakashi doesn’t like it. He wants to make Tobi blush again, draw him back in with banter and seduction, but he’s exhausted from the fight and all he wants to do is sleep. He has to force himself to walk over to the medicine cabinet, following Tobi’s lead as he gestures to various containers and packets.

“Kakashi,” he offers, as Tobi redirects him from one strange ointment to another. “I’m nobody’s ‘good sir.’”

Tobi blinks, like he had when Kakashi had first reached out to try to touch him. He smiles.

“Obito, then.”

It’s Kakashi’s turn to blink, not having expected the AI’s real name. “It suits you,” he says, and there’s the blush he was hoping to see. Obito has been keeping his eyes decidedly above Kakashi’s waist, save for that first glance to assess his injuries, and Kakashi’s unsure whether to be touched or just confused.

For now he’ll ignore it though, and take care of his wounds.

Once Kakashi’s gathered all the necessary medicines and bandages, he walks slowly over to the massive bed. His room is huge, the best the hotel has to offer, and he’s pretty sure the bed could hold at least ten people.

He’s not sure how he’s going to sleep comfortably in all that open space, but he’ll survive.

“Are you planning on joining me, Obito?” Kakashi asks, and his mouth must’ve changed its mind without informing his brain, because he’d thought he’d planned on seducing Obito again tomorrow. When his injuries were a bit less painful.

Obito doesn’t blush though, or stammer, or any of the things Kakashi had expected. Instead he almost looks sad.

“You do know I’m an Artificial Intelligence, don’t you, Kakashi?” Obito asks, and when Kakashi nods, he elaborates. “My physical form is made of many nanomachines, and they aren’t exactly up to, shall we say, heavy lifting. Therefore, I do not have a physical form to use to join you in your bed. Hotel Kamui does have top of the line VR, but that is all. Whatever passed between us would merely be… cerebral, in nature, not physical.” Obito murmurs, a tired regret evident in his tone.

“Oh, it would be more than cerebral,” Kakashi replies with a cocky smirk, and when Obito chuckles and looks him up and down, teasing and willing to let Kakashi pretend, he has to continue. “I’m sure we could work something out.”

Obito smiles then, a little sad, but grateful for the escape.

“You’ll probably have a physical experience as well,” he concedes, and part of Kakashi wants to press, wants to continue the game, wants to tease Obito with the possibility of a physical experience of his own, even if he doesn’t yet have the means to offer one.

He doesn’t though, and simply lets the conversation drop. Obito frets and fusses over him, appearing and disappearing from his bedside as Kakashi treats his own wounds and lays back against soft clean sheets.

After all, he only just met Obito. He isn’t sure how the AI would take Kakashi teasing him about getting him a real body.

And, more importantly, he isn’t quite sure whether he’d be teasing or not.

Kakashi drifts off to sleep to the sound of Obito’s humming presence and his quiet murmuring as he moves about the room.

At least he’s not alone in this world anymore.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> A “sleeve” is a body. A “stack” is a mind contained in a device that can be slotted into different sleeves. Everyone’s mind lives in a stack. “Sleeve death” means that your mind is intact and you can be put back in your own repaired body or into a new one. Anbu replace “Envoys” here, who were a highly trained group of individuals who jumped from sleeve to sleeve and gained special abilities through lots and lots of training. Let me know if any other terms should be defined.
> 
> I picked Gato for the bad guy because I actually really like Zabuza and Haku, and I didn’t want either of them to kick it here. I had to amp up Gato’s skills for the fight, but eh, fanfic handwaveyness means that’s a-ok!
> 
> I chose Kirian and Konohan to refer to Kiri and Konoha’s respective languages because I can’t remember what fanon uses and those sound reasonable to me. :)
> 
> Funniest thing to me? I forgot just how often the word “rude” is actually used by Kovacs (Kakashi) and Edgar Poe (Obito) in that scene. I started writing the whole “rude, again rude, _rude_ ” thing before they even said "rude" in the show, and that word ended up coming up so much! XD
> 
> **
> 
> Dramatic End Game that I REALLY don't want to have to write, where Kakashi goes into VR to save Obito and either get him into a real stack and a real body, or join him in VR, even though Obito really doesn't want Kakashi to give up the real world:
> 
> “I’ll join you,” Kakashi says, and Obito shakes his head as Kakashi straps himself into the headgear. “Or you’ll join me.” He lays back and nods at Rin, ignoring Obito’s denials and pleas for them to stop. “Do it.”
> 
> “Kakashi!” Obito’s frantic cry is the last thing he hears.
> 
> :)
> 
> (It'd be a happy ending, of course, lots of angst and that good old hurt/comfort, but I really don't want to write everything I'd have to in order to get to that point. I have too many WIPs as it is!)
> 
> Comments feed the beast, and I am always ravenous. ;)
> 
> I'm [ Sendryl](https://sendryl.tumblr.com) on Tumblr. Come say hi!
> 
> Fic title is still from [ MISSIO - I See You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUDsjB3qbVE). I've only got five more prompts to relate to this one song! :D  
> (I think it's funny.)
> 
> **
> 
> Outtake:
> 
> “Of course we also have the Temple of Youth, if you’re looking for a challenge,” the man says, and a forest track appears, a miniature muscular man in a bright spandex jumpsuit and a bowl cut thrusting energetically at Kakashi’s eye level. He can practically hear the youthful cries of passion already. 
> 
> “NO.”


End file.
